March Memoir of the Month #1: And You May Find Yourself
Sari Botton writes about bad boyfriends, mean girls, and the perils of a life spent pleasing others.
And You May Find Yourself (2022)
by Sari Botton
Botton’s book of confessions covers mean girls, eating disorders, tattoos, hating to ski, and bad men. One could argue these issues plague most of us well before we hit our mid-fifties (Botton admits as much, describing herself as a late bloomer).
In her essay “Mean Girls,” Botton writes, “as an adult, I often find myself drawn to mean women…there’s almost always one bossy bitch on the periphery.”
I had a hard time relating. I wondered who puts up with mean girls? And at our age? I couldn’t think of any mean girls I knew anymore. Everyone seemed to have aged out of whatever evil takes hold of girls around eighth grade.
Maybe I’d just been lucky in the friend department. I am surrounded by truly amazing human beings. But then something else occurred to me…
Maybe I’m the bossy bitch?
(Don’t answer that.)
I related more to her essay “Adventures in Journalism,” in which Botton realizes she may never become one of the star writers of her time. She wonders whether she gave up her passion (personal essay writing) for pointless jobs like ghostwriting rich people’s books. Maybe she should have instead made more intentional decisions about her career.
She has, by most accounts, had a successful writing career. She worked as a freelancer for the New York Times and was the editor of a best selling anthology. Yet she eventually comes to this conclusion:
Nothing anyone said to me during college or after could have dissuaded me from this difficult path. In hindsight, instead of talking me out of my dreams, I wish someone had told me this: you can do something else for a living and still become a writer.
My favorite line is the introduction, in which she perfectly captures the Gen Xer:
I came of age at the intersection of two conflicting attitudes: “should” and “whatever.”
Her essays might not satisfy those looking for a deeply moving memoir — you’re more likely to laugh than cry. For a more serious vibe, readers may enjoy her newsletter Oldster with essays and interviews about what it’s like to age. This essay on body image by Laura Lippman is one of my favorites.
Happy reading!